How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
