She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
