His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
