I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
