I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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