Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You made out with two different species that night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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