There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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