i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
