Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
