Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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