Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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