i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
