Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
