Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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