quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
