the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
