how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
