I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
