Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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