i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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