If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
