Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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