No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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