I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
