i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
