isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
