We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
