I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
