You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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