i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
