break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
