if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
