In the future we'll all be gay
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
