I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
