who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
