P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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