would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
