he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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