yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
