Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
