I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You pole danced in your parka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
