I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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