we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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