3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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