The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
