I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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