His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
