Hey man sorry I got all grabby
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
