the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
