Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
