went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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