i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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