yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
