just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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