True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
