Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
